Sunday, August 21, 2016

Horror Film Review

Crimson Peak (2015):  Gothic mayhem from master Guillermo del Toro that I'm pretty sure was meant to be scary.  All necessary elements were present:  an isolated English manor with a dark past, a overly charming Brit who seduces an unsuspecting heiress, and a number of gruesome ghosts lurking about that may or may not be evil fuckers.

I wrote that first paragraph three months ago, immediately following my viewing of the film.  For whatever reason, the review did not get finished.  I'll cut to the chase and eschew the usual Skinny simply because the details are now vague and it just wasn't very damn good.

The film was produced to within an inch of its life.  Visually, it's stunning, but it's form over function.  The story is goofy and boring and one we've seen many times.  Tom Hiddleston as Thomas Sharpe is, of course, worth watching.  Jessica Chastain as his sister Lucille chews on the scenery like a starving (and deranged) honey badger.  My favorite performance is Jim Beaver as Carter Cushing.  You know Jim from his gig as Bobby on the Supernatural TV show.  Cushing's daughter Edith (Mia Wasilkowska) is the focus of the Sharpe siblings' attention and has to be a moron.  So what's the scam?  Thomas seduces the daughters of rich guys to get their money to fund his contraption that's able to dig clay faster.  Exciting, no?  Yeah, no.  Don't get me wrong, there are ghosts involved and a few scenes in the creepy mansion aren't terrible, but ultimately the entire endeavor feels pointless.  The last thing you should feel when watching a horror flick is apathy.

I'm thinking of putting together a petition to force del Toro to make Hellboy 3 before he's allowed to helm any other project.  No doubt Ron Perlman would be first in line to sign.

Rating:  2 out of 5

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