Saturday, March 12, 2011

Horror Film Review

Containment (2006):  This is an awful movie.  There...a five-word film review.  Good night.

Oh, all right.  I'll admit that I fell asleep a number of times during the insanely long running time of 86 minutes.  It's the same principle you experience during a car accident or some other disaster...time seems to slow down and stretch into an impossibly long road.  Walking down that road is only marginally more fun than an alien butt-probe. 

There's a night security guard at some kind of research lab.  He watches a researcher kill himself by drinking...something.  Given the special effects, the liquid must have been vinegar and the dude must have had baking soda with red food coloring stuffed in his mouth.  Very frothy.  Before chugging the concoction, the guy told the guard to get out while he can, terrible danger, etc.  Soon after, our hero starts seeing bodies bound in Saran Wrap twitching and moving erratically and, unfortunately, trying to kill him.  Or does he?  We're led to believe he could be hallucinating.  Yawn.

As I've stated in previous reviews, I have two pet peeves when it comes to low-budget horror:  bad acting and shooting the thing on video instead of film.  Guess what?  Yep.  The director, Chris Schwartz, posted a comment on IMDB in defense of his film.  He said it was basically a high-school project with a quarter of the budget of The Blair Witch Project and that while the acting and technical aspects were admittedly bad, the plot and gore made up for these shortcomings.  Mr. Schwartz reacted to other reviewers who have called Containment "the worst film ever" by stating he could provide a list of 100 other independent films that are much worse than his.  Hmm.  Well, I have seen worse films, and I will agree that there were some creepy parts, but I can't endorse the director's recommendation to see the film and judge for yourself.  That would be like endorsing masochism.


Acting:  Stinky. 
Story:  Unremarkable.
Direction:  Directionless.
Production Values:  Valueless.
Gore/FX:  Some.
Ending:  Unknown.
Verdict:  Guilty!  Sorry.  Should you see Containment?  No.  Not even if some psycho is holding a butcher knife to your man-package and demands you do so.  (Did you know that eunuchs have longer life spans than non-eunuchs?  Seriously.)

My Rating:  1 out of 5


  1. The ending: Unknown


    I'm on the floor laughing

  2. I fell asleep. A dereliction of duty, no doubt. Given the movie, I just couldn't bring myself to go back to see what happened. You know what they say about hitting your head against a brick feels so good when you stop.