Friday, March 9, 2018

Horror Film Review

Better Watch Out (2016):  Holiday horror homage to Home Alone that tries oh-so hard to be clever but ultimately leaves you glad courts can sentence minors to death.  Lots of folks prattle on about spoilers when discussing this movie.  "Don't spoil it for people who haven't seen it!"  This is not The Sixth Sense, so bite me.  And if you have the brains God gave pond scum, you'll figure out the "twist" in no time at all.

Ashley (Olivia DeJonge) is moving to Pittsburgh after the holidays and decides to babysit 12 year-old Luke (Levi Miller) one last time.  Luke, who's been in love with Ashley for years, decides it's time to make his move.  His plans, which include watching a horror movie in order to scare her into a state of sexual frenzy, are seemingly thwarted by calls and texts from Ashley's boyfriend Ricky (Aleks Mikic).  Annoyed and depressed, Luke breaks out a bottle of champagne and proceeds to chug.  Then strange things begin to go down.  The back door that should be closed is open.  Knocks on the front door but no one is there.  Man-sized shadows crossing in front of the windows.  And then shattering glass from upstairs.  Luke's best friend Garrett (Ed Oxenbould) appears out of nowhere and they initially think he's just messing with them.  But shit keeps happening and Ashley realizes it's a home invasion or possibly worse.  Garrett freaks and runs out the back door...only to be mowed down by someone with a silenced gun.  Ashley and Luke hide, cry, reassure each other, and hug as a shotgun-toting masked intruder searches the house for them.  However, Ashley eventually notices the man is wearing Luke's ski mask and figures out she's been played.  The man is actually Garrett and the whole evening was staged just to frighten her.  She's pissed, royally pissed, and lays into the two boys, mostly berating them for being so childish and stupid.  Luke slaps her.  She tumbles down the stairs and wakes up duct-taped to a chair.  Now the real movie begins.

I'll be brief.  Luke's nuts.  I'm talking A Clockwork Orange nuts, and he has a psychotic plan to lure Ashley's current boyfriend and ex-boyfriend Jeremy (Dacre Montgomery) to the house in order to exact revenge on them for simply being in love with her.  And since Luke possesses the stereotypical mindset of a psychopathic wacko...if I can't have her, no one can...Ashley is fair game as well.  The wild card in all this is Garrett, who after discovering from Ashley that Luke killed his hamster, begins to waver in his dedication to Luke's plan.  Thanks to this doubt, things don't end well for Garrett.  Or for Ricky and the ex-boyfriend for that matter.  In the end, Luke stabs Ashley in the neck and then stages the scene to make it appear as if Jeremy killed everyone in a jealous rage before hanging himself in the backyard.  The parents come home, totally freak, call the cops, and Luke finally gets what he ultimately desired most - his mother's full and undivided attention.  Yep.  The little brat is basically Norman Bates.  But while reveling in the loving embrace of his mother, Luke suddenly hears someone shout, "This one's still alive!"  From his bedroom window, Luke watches paramedics load Ashley into an ambulance.  She sees him watching...and flips him off.  The look on Luke's face almost made sitting through the previous 89 minutes worth it.  Almost.

I don't know about you, but movies that shamelessly manipulate the audience in order to achieve its goals piss me off.   I also intensely dislike films where kids kill adults and get away with it.  My disbelief can only be suspended so much.  I say get away with it because there's an after-credits scene in Better Watch Out in which Luke asks his mom if they can go to the hospital to check on Ashley.  The idea, I assume, is that once there, this 12 year-old boy will somehow manage to finish the job.  It's just silly.

The Skinny

Acting:  I think Levi Miller tried channeling either Jared Leto's Joker or perhaps Malcolm McDowell's Alex from A Clockwork Orange but it's impossible to convey the required sense of menace when your voice keeps breaking and you have a baby face.  DeJonge as Ashley did well.
Story:  Manipulative and uninspired.  The very first scene, however, where a boy knocks the head off a girl's snowman and is consequently called a "buttfucker" and chased down by said girl is hilarious.
Direction:  Oddly tension-free and dull.
Production Values:  It was filmed in Australia by production companies I've never heard of so I assume the budget wasn't huge.  Low budget notwithstanding, there's no sense of cheapness. 
Gore/FX:  The R-rating is inexplicable.  There a bit of blood but no gore.  There was carnage yet it remained off camera.  Big mistake.
Scares:  I wish.
Ending:  Ruined by the post-credits scene.
Verdict:  Should you see Better Watch Out?  Nope.  Go watch The Babysitter on Netflix instead...or Home Alone

Rating:  2 out of 5

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